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  • Writer's pictureThe SOLI

Take a deep breath

Updated: Oct 12, 2020

When it all becomes too much, take a deep breath.

As expectations come head-on with reality, unleashed is a stream of emotions that goes from deception, to incomprehension, to frustration and even to self-guilt. It can spin one into a vicious cycle, turning us into the very person we try so strongly to avoid becoming. Until we come to terms with the reality itself, accepting it, will the wave of emotions ebb. Eventually, we either decide to hope for the best or to do something about it.

Being a perfectionist all my life, I have a tendency to hold high standards as to what defines success. Society’s swift judgement, even though transient, bears a strong effect and stiffens the consequences long after the effects are gone.

From academic excellence to professional growth, I thought I knew the recipe. When motherhood came knocking on the door, together with raising a family, keeping a marriage strong, embracing aging and other realizations that come along with it, no textbook could give me the answer.

Approaching the milestone where catching sight of that first thread of silver locks seems imminent, reflecting upon the journey that I have made gives me a sense of perspective to the present.

They say that as you grow older, you become wiser. What they didn’t say is that as you grow older, your vision becomes blurred, literally and figuratively. The lines are erased and the lenses have a multitude of angles depending on which perspective you are looking from. It is up to you to filter out the dark shades and catch the light you are looking for.

As an example, my perception of the importance superficial beauty is being fed constantly by everything I see everywhere. It has become a normality that I dread.

I tend to be more conscious of the impression that I am portraying to others, especially to my children. From adapting my wardrobe style, to changing certain health habits, to making life-impacting choices, to being aware of how I react in a certain situation and even of my choice of words - the question remains as to how best I could present myself as a responsible mother and a mature person.

Heaving up the anchor of the past to sail forward into my future, gazing out the deck in sight of a treasure map instead of steering prudently in my destiny, torn between the torrents of ambition and wanting to spend more time cuddling with my little children, I sometimes wish that things could be different.

At the end of the day, when the sun settles into the horizon, as I tuck my fragile frame underneath the thick warm blanket next to my brown-eyed other half, I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.

Seeking meaning to our existence as we navigate through the vast ocean of life and being at peace with who we are seem to be the north star. Allow the wind to drift you to the dock.

Give yourself space to breathe.

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